GOODBYE BLOGSPOT :(

TUMBLR

2009-02-27T17:53:00.000-08:00

jamiieee.tumblr.com

it's been a good year? haha

Friendship>Love

2009-02-23T20:19:00.000-08:00

I miss our friendship. I miss our late night conversations. I loved how I could depend on you, tell you all about the miseries of my love life, and run to you for good company. I miss how you opened up and told me so many things I had never known. I miss your stories. I miss suffering through spanish, calculus, and apush with you. I miss our talks and you listening to my rants. If this is just going to jeopardize our friendship, I'll let go. Just promise me we can turn back time.

feb 6

2009-02-07T12:10:00.001-08:00

yea, that was fun. most definetly.

Goodbye 2008

2009-01-01T03:20:00.000-08:00

Thanks.

1. My best friends. 6 years now? Despite that we're all seperated, you guys mean EVERYTHING to me.

2. The coolest, chillest guys ever. I miss our weekly Saturdays, honestly. It's my biggest regret this year. Can't wait to see all of you in February!

3. I'm glad we became such great friends since last years Biology class. We can talk about anything, and you seem to able to see and understand through my perspective, even when others can't.

4. We just click. You've made my senior year a blast. Team JC.

5. BFFLZ. Through our ups and downs, I will always remember you. I don't ever regret meeting you, even with our past miscommunication. You're the one person I can have an endless conversation with.

6. I can't understand how you put up with me. I yell at you, ignore you, hate you, and yet you're still always there.

7. I'm a big part of you, and you're a big part of me. 4 years of rants, fights, fun times, lunches, aimconvos, inside jokes, support- I don't know what I'd do without you.

8. You've been my motivation these past 3 months. I never thought I would ever fall for you, but you've been one of close friends these past 3 years. Even if things don't work out, thanks. It's been exciting.

9. You girls have been my life. You've shaped me in indescribable ways. I will miss you guys so much next year. I can't even begin to imagine my life without you.

10. Keep your head up. You're better than that. Don't let others bring you down.

long time no see

2008-11-23T13:29:00.001-08:00

My best friend is google search.

honestly,

2008-05-25T11:55:00.000-07:00

i'm scared. scared that you'll turn out like everyone else. scared that you'll end up leaving me for yourself or for someone else. i'm scared that i'll be left in that state of wonder and regret without a definite explanation or reason. i'm scared that you'll leave me halfway, when i finally begin to open up my feelings. i'm scared that you'll just throw away my hopes and happiness away. i'm scared to open up, to think, to like you. will you just leave me unexpectedly? will you be that selfish?

2008-04-22T00:10:00.000-07:00

"so during the election, Clinton ran against Dole.."

"Dole, the guy who made the juice and pineapple stuff?"

good times, good times.

asdfghjkljaksdjn

2008-03-25T23:05:00.001-07:00

yay for 6AM tennis tournaments during spring break. where did my waking-up-at-noon- everyday kind of break go?

on a sadder note, i've been socially deprived =( someone take me outtt ! haha

the big apple

2008-03-20T16:16:00.000-07:00

how sad it was for me to wake up in the morning and realize i'm back in california. i miss every aspect of New York-the hustling madness, the towering buildings hovering in the skies that convey the epitome of sophistication, the never sleeping night lights, the smell of food on every street, the crazy taxi drivers who don't give a shit about running you over, the endless shopping adventures, the greatest amount of walking i have ever done in my life, the massive amount of people, esp hot guy in suits, running around frantically in the early monday morning, the culture, beauty, and history of it all, the new friendships that i gained, the late night brawling with the guys in their rooms, the escape from reality, the utopian world. i really hoped a crazy snow storm would have forced us stay another day, week, or even better, another month in NY. anyways, prepare yourself for a long yet eventful blog =)

friday night: picked up alicia, last minute packing, head to SFO, got there, saw our band guys all sitting around in a line playing their DS's, 2 hour wait, massive chaos trying to switch seat tickets with each other, got jared's seat, sat with alicia and amy, attempted to sleep.

saturday: so we arrived in NY at 6AM or 3AM cal time, and i was exhausted after getting absolutely no sleep. then we explored the JFK airport, which was really pretty and then all the flutes went to change. We got our bags and got on the bus to our hotel in Manhattan. On the bus ride, we saw REAL graffiti, crazy ghettos, 5 mile long graveyards, underground tunnels, huge apartment buildings, and scary deserted play grounds. Got to our hotel and me, alicia, jencho, alegria, clarkchen!, andres, andrew, amy, nina went exploring around ny. took us like an hour just to learn how to read a map. walked along the streets, almost got run over by a bajillion cabs, saw strip clubs that were perfect for clark ;), M&M and hershey store!, the famous time sqaure, and took hella pictures. then we took a grayline tour along NY and visited dontown manhattan. saw madison square garden, a 5 story high borders, 8 story macys!, H&M around every corner, SOHO <3, and the brooklyn bridge. met at the hotel around 6PM and went out to eat dinner as a group. walked to sbarros for ITALIAN FOOD yay! stuffed myself with an all you can eat buffet and then went to our hotel. me, alegria, alicia, and melissa got to our room, which was HELLA SMALL. barely could fit us and our 50 pound luggages. explored the tv, which had no channels =( except like the disney channel and ads asking u to go buy some "late night" movies ;) ;) slept, and the bed was sooooooo comfortable.

sunday: got up at 8 and head down to the lobby. got on our buses and head down to central park to perform. central park was really nice and huge. one of the biggest parks i have ever been to. we performed in the dome while all our hands were freezing. it was a pretty good performance but unfortunately to an 70 ppl audience? haha. saw the Montana kids, and they played pirates of the carribean, and these other 2 songs. took pictures with everyone and then we had free time. then me, alicia, jencho, amy, nina, alegria (THE FLUTES!) went exploring again. got on another grayline tour. it was pouring rain, but being the crazy ppl that we are, we all wore ponchos and sat on the top of the bus in the rain and wind. toured uptown manahttan and passed by 5th avenue. OMGGGGG 5th avenue is like paradise. designer stores, hot abercrombie model taking pics with tourists, and pure sophistication. passed by 5 million dollar lofts and denzel washingtons, meryl streep's place. Visited Harlem and but were all too scared to go down there haha, museums, blah blah blah. Met back at the hotel and then the whole band went "clubbing" at this jekyl and hyde club. it was one of the most retarded places ever. food sucked, worst show ever, wierd waitresses. the only cool part was the dance battle between the crazy waitress and CLARK CHEN! =) he hella owned her ass with some crazy dance move from stomp the yard or something. left the club and had free time till 10:30. we went down to the guys room and played cards. then i went to mark, tom, henri, and josh's room to brawl. me and mark were owning till curtis and drew kicked our asses =( fun night then went sleep. gossiped with my roomies till 2AM. interesting secrets ;)

monday: MY FAVORITE DAY EVERR<3 CRUISE NIGHT! woke up early to go to our preCarneigh hall clinic. we played like shit though =( then hung out with alicia, chris, shelly, scott, and drew. ate a really expensive lunch =( drew finished his 30 dollars huge rack of ribs. shared with alicia. then we went shopping at macys and souvenir shopping. went to the rockefeller center. gorgeous ice skating rink and NBC studios. alicia bought like these 2 dollar truffels from swiss. so expensive. i bought a dress and sweatshirt for my sis, and nothing for myself =( went back to the hotel at 4:30 to get ready for the cruise. curled alegria and my hair and straightened alicia's. alegria is the make up master hahaha. then we all met at the lobby at 6 and took the bus to the harbor. The cruise was so nice. dance floor, buffet, breathtaking views. <3 at first it was going pretty slow, then the montana kids came on the boat and went wild on the dance floor. crazy night thats all i can say. so much band geeks getting their freak on ;] aka tom mark josh jacob alexis so many ppl. CRAZY CRAZY night. what goes on in NY, stays in NY ;) admired mr. barnhill and his wife dancing. danced with the flutes and other ppl. went on the deck and took pictures of the city at night. simply beautiful <3 FUNFUNFUNFUNFUN <3 got back to the hotel at 11 and sleep.

tuesday: CARNEIGH HALL. alegria forgot to wake us up so we overslept. jumped outta bed at 7:45 and only had 10 minutes to dress, do hair, makeup, eat and rush down to carneigh hall. walked to carneigh in our performance outfits with random new yorkers staring at us with WTF faces. carneigh hall was so beautiful. even the bathrooms are so high tech haha. our first note in rehearsal was so pretty. it had the most pefect acoustics ever. after sound check and pictures, we went back to the hotel. me, alegria, alicia, belinda, andres went to go eat lunch and met up with chris, jacob, and alan. i love breakfast in NY. we ordered chocolate covered chocolate chip pancakes with whipped cream and ordered cheescake afterwards. then the waiter came over to alicia with this huge strawberry cheescake with PROM? written on it. then the waiter sang the "prom song" and alicia said yes to chris! =) cute cute cute. afterwards we went back to carneigh for our performance. the string orchestra from new jersey was so good. then we played and it was... not as good as we wanted it to be =( pretty disasppointed but went back to the hotel. changed and the flutes and the guys went to eat dinner. we were gunna eat at bubba gump but hella wait so we ate at this random italian restraunt. then clark brought me shopping and we talked about... air pollution hahah. then we went back to carneigh hall to hear the colleges play. me andres and alegria sat on the deck which was so scary but cool. we could see everything and everywhere. then awards ceremony, and we got silver =( went back to out hotel and packed. then it was 1AM and instead of sleeping, jen and amy call me and alicia over to prank call ppl. prank called clark andrew and andres's room. fun fun fun. hella tired and slept.

wednesday: last day =( group tour of the statue of liberty and around NY. took a ferry to ellis island where all the immigrants came to during the 20s. interesting to see all the tests that they had to pass. finally ate a NY hot dog on the ferry =) then we ate lunch at this italian place with a cool pianist. afterwards, went to the airport. so tired and exhausted. watched enchanted on the airplane and then feel asleep. got home and now, my trip has finally ended.

i miss new york, i really do. the excitement of being in a new place, a place of new friendships, new limits, enitrely new experiences, but most importantly, new memories. i would do anything to relive those 5 days again.

when we first met

2008-03-04T22:30:00.000-08:00

march 13

i can't wait to see you.

please don't let me down.

i hate

2008-02-18T11:53:00.000-08:00

the vulnerability of old flames.

idiosyncratic freak

2008-02-06T20:17:00.000-08:00

as of my current state, i am having an abnormal urge to throw my apush book out of my window, boost up my speakers and fill the entire house with loud, obnoxious music, run around the house up and down the stairs dancing, trying out a bajillion outfits for friday's dance, calling everybody on my phonebook, busting out my gamecube and playing some virtual tennis due to my recent lack of physical activity, watching a day of nonstop television, and getting some damn sleep. in fact, i think i'm going crazy from studying. winter break, please come to me!

sunshine on a cloudy day

2008-01-30T19:53:00.000-08:00

finally, sunshine after a week or two of endless rain. finally, a great day i've been waiting for for such a long time. finally, i can laugh, smile, and be happy again without constantly worrying about grades, sats, and what not. finally, i can rekindle lost friendships during the past few months i have confined myself from a healthy social life. finally, we talk, AGAIN, and this time it's a compliment. finally, i can go to school without worrying about getting soaked and sick. finally, i can indulge in a 4 hours straight session of AIM without feeling a heavy sense of guilt and burden. finally, i can go shopping and actually care about not looking like an absolute mess at school. finally, i can lay in bed and watch pointless tv shows at night. finally, i feel free from the paranoia and sadness of liking someone. finally, i can resume apush reading and catch up on those 4 chapters i'm behind. finally, i can have some time for myself, well until my next SAT at least. and finally, another blog that doesn't consist of a one sentence post! =)

only time can tell

2008-01-10T19:24:00.000-08:00

In 20 years from now...
Will i still be a naive and light hearted 16 year old at heart? Will i have fulfilled all my dreams and utmost goals that i've been working so hard for? Will my closest friends still be there for me? Or will they have managed to fade away into the distance or backstab me along the way? Will i have grown that 1 inch i've been dying to grow? Will i have made a difference in at least one person's world? Will i have stepped out of my small, petty world and exposed myself to the vast environment that surrounds me? Will i be willing to take a daring risk and do something i would never do right now? Will i have grown into the person i've always wanted to be? Will i have a clear direction in life and find who i am? Will i have met that one special person i've been looking for? Will i still be so vulnerable to my emotions? Will i still be so self critical, pessimistic, and doubtful? Will i still be striving for perfection or will i realize that there's more to life than a perfectly molded image. Will i regret the person i have become? Will i have made any mistakes that i will regret for the rest of my life? Will i have found what truly makes me happy and my life worth living? Will i have treated myself better and fight for everything i deserve? Will i still be so lost and struggling? Or will i be truly happy with how i shaped my life?

if only i could see myself 20 years from now and see what i've become.

today was the first time my dad asked me if was "happy". i didn't know what to say. am i? it just feels like i'm missing something.

THANK YOU

2008-01-03T16:29:00.000-08:00

1. even though i may not love or even like the person you are right now, thanks. thanks for shaping me into who i am till this very moment. because of you, i've learned and grown. i owe you.

2. you guys mean the most to me. i love you. thanks for everything these past 5 years. i miss you. sometimes, i just wish we could go back in time when we were all together. those were my happiest most memorable days.

3. it's surprising how long you've been there for me. i can't deny the fact that i'm truly surprised we're still close friends today. it's amazing how you've stuck by me all these years, and never ceased to be on my side through everything. thanks for always listening, making fun of me, and giving me your evil stares.

4. thanks for making my every saturday worthwhile. you guys are like the brothers i never had. thanks for always putting a smile on my face and i love how much of a "family" we've become. when i look back at the 10 years we've been together, i truly regret those 6 years i wasted.

5. best friend. thanks for just being here. it's funny how i trust your thoughts and opinions more than my own.

6. you've given me some of my happiest yet saddest moments.

7. even though we've just recently met up, i have to thank you for making my xmas break endurable, and maybe even fun. it feels good to be reunited and see how much you and i have changed. i promise i'll be nicer to you, if we meet again.

8. thanks for fixing our 2 year "awkward" period. its good to know that we're finally talking like friends again like yesterday.

9. we are awesome. enough said. you've made this year really worthwhile with no regrets. i'm actually glad i missed all those calculus classes just to be with you girls esp. SR, JB, MN, TN, KN.

10. thanks for keeping faith in yourself. thanks for keeping yourself going despite all of the useless shit. thanks for not letting people bring you down. thanks for being you. i'm proud. but don't forget to try harder.

if only...

2007-12-29T22:36:00.000-08:00

enchanted was a great movie. i was actually laughing and smiling the entire time. The music was really cute and so was Dr. McDreamy ;) I'm so jealous of their happily ever after ending. If only we could all find our prince charmings, fall in love, and live happily ever after and have all of our greatest dreams fulfilled. If only we could be happy in our dreamworld and never have to worry about our fears and the pain of reality. If only we could fast foward our time in reality and finally grasp all our effervescent dreams. If only reality wasn't so cold, so corrupt, so harsh, so real. If only the world we live in wasn't paved so unpredictably, filled with some of the most unfair or cruel moments. If only we could control fate and know every little detail of our future. Maybe life wouldn't be so scary after all. If only we could shape our own destinies and achieve our every desire. If only our dreams could come true in reality. If only we could live a fairytale life.

pointless memories

2007-12-21T20:57:00.000-08:00

binh: " i will hate any guy that calls me babe. what am i? a pig?"

one of our most random and pointless conversation yet. The only thing we got out of it was:
1. guys playing the piano, or for her, the saxaphone, are sexy and romantic.
2. a guys holding a girl's purse is the ultimate turnoff.
3. then we turn around and see matthew, corey, and richard all being overly obsessed with their DS. we agreed, that too.
4. honey is the only cute and suitable nickname
5. dustin has uneven bags underneath his eyes and is willing to spend money money money for a girl.

i don't wanna go to sleep. i will just sit my lazy ass in front of the computer listening to all that i got for the millionth time. sometimes i forget what i'm living for.

from a distance

2007-12-13T16:30:00.000-08:00

If we were to meet on the streets in the distant future, would you remember me? Would you acknowledge my presence? Would a simple "hi" suffice? Or would the cold, ignorant wind run right in between us as we walk by? Would you turn your head to look, or would you continue on, never looking back? If we were to look in each other's eyes, would we just stare in awkward silence? Would we relive all our good times and repatch our friendship? Or am i jsut a memory, hanging helplessly, waiting to be forgotten?

sweet escape

2007-12-11T16:41:00.000-08:00

i am happy, at least i think i am.

because...

1. christmas break is coming, SOON (:
i just love seeing christmas lights and hearing christmas music. christmas shopping! and of course, waking up at noon everyday.

2. tennis banquet is on saturday! i just realized how much i miss tennis season. all our shit talking about certain ass. coaches ;), nonstop eating, crazy, fun yet highly unorganized practices haha, walking to quiznos after school, singing on all the bus rides, sowmya's beyond awesome asian accents and imitations, the soulja boy dance hahahaha!, our ccs qualifying match against ST <3, in&out and p.e. and coldstone, making fun of gia, making fun of each other, and of course, i could never forget our last practice, where all of us jsut sat on the middle court talking about EVERYTHING in the dark<3 man, i miss it. i really do.

3. i get to see my best friends! at least i hope. it's been what? 5 months! :(

4. i got an A on my calculus quiz. miracle? YES.

5. Gossip girl! it's like the one thing i look foward to every week. marry me, dan.

6. i'm playing tennis again :) after like a 2-3 month hiatus in which i have gained numerous numerous... pounds. it just feels good to forget everything thats on your mind, and just PLAY.

7. binh says i should be. no looking back anymore.

so i guess its pretty good. for now.

almost, just almost

2007-12-10T17:52:00.000-08:00

if there’s one word I absolutely hate, it would have to be almost. Just almost- a little less than complete. The constant pondering of should have, could have, but didn’t. Like that certain dream you had so tightly within your grasp, but you just carelessly let slip away. So close. All the happy hopes you had for achieving what you’ve always wanted, just before it suddenly disappears from the corner of your very eyes. almost. And what do you get from a mere almost? The endless lonely regrets and murderous blame you put upon yourself, while constantly looking back at the past, wishing you could just erase every little flaw, every little foolish mistake. All those little mistakes that you were so oblivious could attain the power to ruin, to destroy, but most importantly, to change. How stupid it must have felt when you finally realized that the utopia you imagined yourself reaching was simply a mirage, having been nonexistent the entire time. How does it feel when you see what you’ve worked and sacrificed so much for just swirl endlessly down the drain into utter darkness, something you’ll never be able to see again? So is it even worth is? Why even bother taking the risk, knowing that the ultimate capture is nearly impossible? Why not save yourself from the bitter regret of your almost completed actions? Why even try, when the only thing you’ll get is an almost?

abrupt deprival

2007-12-08T19:31:00.000-08:00

and then it ended. that day, that minute, that second. with no full explanation, no definite ending, no goodbye. so here i am left alone, hurt, confused, wondering what i did wrong to deserve this awful pain. but i've learned. learned that the world is never fair, how people are so easily blinded by beauty and fake facades, and that words are simply another face for lies.

HELLO

2007-12-05T16:36:00.000-08:00

=) my first "blog" after 4 years of xanga. haha lame, yes i know.